So we’ve arranged to go and visit my Mum, just the thought of Ryan running rampage through her lovely Victorian un child proofed house is enough to make my legs twitch. The last visit for example, Ryan found an orange highlighter pen and drew all over her crisp white walls, now we’re not just talking a small child scribble which can easily be laughed off with a tousle of the child’s hair and a gentle shove down the steps, no we are talking a child height constant line with occasional dips- almost like what my heart rate would read on one of those machines, all around the house! So you can imagine my feelings of almost dread at the impending visit. My mum also has this obsession with us all eating together every time we meet, which sounds lovely don’t get me wrong, but no, I always have to bring contributions of some sort and always have to help, this is in between me stopping the kids eating out of the cat litter tray, cat bowl or the bin, or touching any of her lovely things. I also have to watch very carefully, for food rejections from the children’s mouth’s that end up on the floor, big no no on the newly cleaned carpets…eeeekkk. I forgot the high chair thing and i only remember en route when im calmly sipping my daily costa, oh well, im sure it will be ok. Lush (my husband) and I have decided between us that we will eat in shifts so that the kids can be closely monitored at all times, this plan would’ve been fool proof had Lush not found a ‘really good’ film to watch on tv. Dinner goes ok and there’s only a few bright orange tomatoey looking stains that even the most hardiest of baby wipes wont shift, so i strategically place a chair over it and pray she doesn’t notice until we are several miles down the A22.
Mum has a rather sweet persian cat called Harvey, who, it has to be said is very tolerant of Ryan’s pestering, and poking and getting in his face-ing, but it just wasnt one of those days and Harvey wasnt having any of it. Heres me chatting away in the kitchen to my Mum speaking consciously loudly to drown out Ryan calling Harvey’s name as i knew it would cause stress and panic from my mum. I manage to sneak out to check on what Ryan is doing to poor Harvey to find Harvey in the corner of the stairs, and his normally green eyes are on the verge of turning red! Theres a lot of lip licking and growling coming from that direction and just for a second I wondered if it was Ryan or Harvey. I discover it’s Harvey and start the extraction process with Ryan, by this point Harvey has run out of nerves for Ryan to tread on and he starts hissing and spitting and im sure pissing but don’t quote me on that- THE CARPET!!! I’m trying to keep this incident under wraps from my mum so I swiftly remove Ryan from the situation and into the living room, where he makes a bee line for the kitchen to go and tell my mum very clearly it has to be said, about Harvey getting his teeth out of his mouth and doing the hissing noise. How is this possible??? Ryan doesn’t normally speak that clearly so why today? why that situation to get me into trouble lol xx
By the end of the evening we are all starting to get ratty so its time to go, but not before one last parting shot from Ryan who lunges past me and everyone else to the precious china cupboard and starts shaking it with all his might, i then start to grab and tussle with him which makes the cupboard shake even more, and then as if in slow motion a cup falls off a saucer and rolls, Mum screams No, I scream Shit and we all just wait…for what seems like forever to see if the blasted cup will smash, which luckily for me it didn’t.
I throw the kids at the car seat and do the stupid contraptions up and tell Lush to drive like he stole the car just to get away before the stain uncovering.
Just going off topic, I find myself wondering that if i was in a horror film type situation where I had to get me and the kids in the car and drive really quickly, would the bad person just wait a bit while I get the kids in their maxi cosy’s?….just a thought
much love xxx
sazza518 