Photo Time!!!

10 Sep

So the time has come again for the travelling con merchants A.K.A Pixi foto to travel along to my local boots and entice me with their lovely looking perfect children adverts.  I can always hope that my kid’s photos will look like that, but sadly they look more like garbage pail kids by the time I’ve wrangled them into the basket or flower pot that the clueless photographer wants them to pose in.

I didnt actually realise the photo people were there until I was calmly sipping my costa letting Ryan run wild and the baby chomp on a chocolate muffin just for some peace.  Now I’ve seen the photo people I instantly want some photos, the normal sensible voice in my head was reasoning with me, that I never like the photos, Lexi-Nicole looks like shes been dragged through a hedge backwards, and they always make her look ginger.  I have nothing against ginger hair at all but Lexi isnt ginger shes blonde and brown.  The reasoning in my head stops and I come to and find myself standing first in the queue waiting for the girl to come back off of her break.  How sad and desperate do I look being first in the queue.

Up until this point Lexi-Nicole had been an angel, she had had a sleep and was happy and smiley, Ryan however was being a hell child.  I am just about to put Lexi on to the stage thingy when she errupts in this vile screaming  and pulling of her pig tails.  I laugh this off and the photographer looks nervous.  I plonk her down regardless and she manages to smile, I catch sight of one of the photos and realise that one of her pigtails isnt straight, I cant leave it I have to have straight equal ones otherwise it will bug me for the rest of my life and I will have to stop looking at the photos because of it.

Now a queue is forming of competitive mothers with their kids dressed in their sunday best and have beautiful hair.  Lexi now looks like an advert for the NSPCC, her hair is a mess, she has teething spots on her chin and a lovely green nose, cue baby wipes, I’m doing the best I can with the baby wipes but lets face it they cant perform miracles.

The stage is set for Lexi’s next pose and she seems ok and other mothers are looking at her and saying shes cute and I am so desperate to have a nice photo.  I sit her down and all seems to be going well, when all of a sudden she does a back flip off of the stage thingy and lands in a heap on the floor, oops im sure I was holding her tightly enough, the onlookers gasp and I grin Basil Fawlty style and pick her up and she seems to be ok.  My cheeks are burning and the pressure is mounting and I resort to making ridiculous noises and playing very silly games like the photographer just to get her to actually look at the camera, I look like a complete twit.  Ryan is screeching in the buggy because he’s seen a toy that he wants to play with, despite having it at home. My soon to be 12 year old huffer puffer son just stands there playing on my phone and huffing with embarrassment.

The photographer them puts some headphones on Lexi and I have to bite my lip not to screech at her about the pigtails, they are off centre and not aligned at all.  I have to let it go because the witch is actually smiling and we have a nice ish picture- I don’t really like photos with props in them but im prepared to let it go.  Then the photographer produces the basket, I know for a fact Lexi is not going to sit in it but I will give it a try.  I put her in it and she starts screaming and trying to climb out of it, I start singing row row the boat and I am half tempted to start shaking the basket, for effect of course, but manage to refrain.  The photographer is pulling out all the stops getting toys and teddies out but Lexi is not impressed, she is really going for it now and screeching like a witch.  The photographer tries one more time and just as she is about to press the button Lexi literally throws herslef out of the basket like some one jumping ship and the photopher gets a lovely picture of her bum and legs, just like her mother and oh definately one for the mantle piece.  I hastily throw her into the buggy along side her wild brother grab my paperwork and vaguely listening to the prices before making a hasty retreat.  I so want a private veiwing of these photos, I dont want to be humiliated in the middle of the shop floor with these photos.  You can imagine them at the developing center “oi mate come and have a look at these, you’ve got to laugh, only a photo a mother could love” oh the shame.

I would love to have a look at some of the photos though, just out of interest.  I mean some of them are gorgeous without a doubt but then there’s the ones where you actually shudder and wonder what their parents were thinking.

One last thing as I know my lovely husband reads these faithfully to make me feel better- Darling I got Lexi’s pictures done today but casually forgot to tell you until you have to pay for them 🙂 love you lots jelly tots.

Much love xx


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