It’s been a while!

4 Sep

I havent blogged in a while partly because we have been really boring and poor and not done anything, but also due to the fact that  my keyboard was on the the recieving end of a ‘top of the range’ orange squash spa day! People pay thousands for these spa treatments, Ryan does them for free.

In my blogging absence Ryan has had his birthday. I have very mixed feelings about this, the first reason is feelng a tad gutted, when people used to ask the ages of my children I used to enjoy the raised eyebrow and look of admiration when I mentioned that I had a 1 and a 2 year old aswell as an 11 year old. ‘wow 1 and 2’ they used to say ‘I dont know how you do it!’ I used to shrug them off with some ridiculous comment about something or other.  But now when I say a 1 and a 3 year old it doesnt have any effect at all, boo hoo.  My other mixed feeling is one of suprise that he has actually managed to make it to three given the things that he has ingested, (a toilet duck gel disc from the inside of the toilet, 3 ibroprufen tablets, food from the bin, my cooking), inhaled, (his latest habit  is emptying any aerosol he can) and touched (he was bitten by a monkey in a zoo, touched the hot grill that he turned on without me seeing) wow I’m a walking advert for good parenting-Not!

I do have to go briefly back to the toilet duck incident because the conversation between me and NHS direct was quite amusing, I first ring them and go through the meningitis questions even after me telling them what has actually happened.  I then get on to the issue in hand and tell her that he’s swallowed this thing and her first question was ‘what colour is it?’ what colour!!! what is she doing on the other end of the line filling out a lifestyle questionnaire on my behalf? or comparing notes on what colour she buys? Anyway I tell her that its green and she informs me that the green one is harmless and that at worse he may foam at the mouth, at this point I turn to look at Ryan who is drinking baby bath, so if he wasn’t foaming at the mouth before he certainly will now.

Ryan’s birthday passes without incident i.e. me not daring to take him out because I don’t want to end up telling him off- not on his birthday!  The following day we go to the zoo, where we are very privileged to be invited behind the scenes and are able to feed and touch animals that members of the public aren’t.  This because my sister is a zoo keeper.  I am very much looking forward to this day but am very nervous about Ryan,  I mean what if he goes on the rampage in one of the cages, or gets bitten because he is being a bit over zealous  with an animal, or has a massive tantrum and refuses to leave the cage- I’m willing to leave him in a cage but not sure the zoo keeper would cook for him in the evenings, he would be great entertainment value and may attract millions of people from overseas…oh Lord! I’m running away with myself.

We get to the zoo and are let in through a side gate which doesn’t go down well with the big queue of people that have obviously been there a while.  We look around the zoo and I make lots of ooing and ahhing noises to try and keep Ryan interested for more than a split second, I have to say the zoo is amazing.  We are then invited to feed the lemurs, very exciting until I ask the zoo keeper whether they spit or not, she is very tactful and reminds me that they are in fact llamas, oookay moving on.  I really wasn’t very sure how Ryan would take to these very excited animals and I find myself holding my breath and running through all sorts of situations in my head and wondering what  I would do.  We enter the cage and told to sit with our backs to the gathering crowds outside of the cage.  I’m sure I feel some knives sticking in my back but I can’t be sure.  The Lemurs are wonderful and prance around enthrallingly and climb on our laps like cats and are very accepting of the poking, prodding and stroking that they are being subjected to, anything for a grape, and Ryan is being amazingly good and he is feeding them how he should be.  Behind us however, people are shouting things at us, one man was asking what they felt like and one woman asked how we got in there and silly me just looked at her and said I didnt know! Of all of the things I could’ve made up, I could’ve been a russian princess that wipes my bum with 50 pound notes, I could’ve been a lottery winner, but no I’m a gormless wally that didnt know how she got into a highly protected cage!

We then go on to feed the Giraffes who were So lovely but very slow in Ryan’s eyes, they were taking too long to come over and eat our carrots and branches, so Ryan starts launching the carrots at them which suits them perfectly as they don’t have so far to walk! Another twit, who is watching us do this  shoves her unsuspecting child into our area and gives him a random twig to try and feed the Giraffe.  After a lot of polite  telling her to shove off by the keeper she finally gets the hint and claims that she is being racially abused by the zoo because she has the wrong colour skin! Good luck with that law suit love.

Ryan by this point is showing signs of strain and  fortunately for me he falls asleep in the buggy alongside his sister.  We go into to cuddle the penguins which is wonderful and I’m sort of glad Ryan was asleep because one of my imaginary scenarios was Ryan going for a dip in the penguin pool and me having to wade in to get him!  We then go and  look and hold the tarantulas and i almost turn blue due to not breathing through fear in case this spider decides to jump in my hair- well its does look like a bird’s nest so I couldn’t blame it.  I was also scared of dropping it because their abdomen is filled with fluid and it would burst open if it would drop and die- no pressure there then!  We are just leaving when I notice a door that says ‘Ops Room’, given my latest obsession with Call of Duty Black Ops I had to have my picture taken with this door, two words- sad loser.

The rest of the visit passes without incident and Ryan hasn’t caught Rabies or Mange or anything else from his wild behaviour so I consider that a success.

Apart from the usual floor mopping incidents in supermarkets I have nothing more to report, I know I’m boring.

One last thought though before I sign off, there’s the ‘Terrible Twos’ which is a great excuse for wild behaviour and the ‘Fearsome Fours’ another label to mutter at astonished memebrs of the public whle you are dragging your child away. But what’s the name for the threes? I was kind of hoping that once the clock struck 12 on his Birthday he would turn into an angel and the ‘terrible Twos’ would disappear- silly me. So what do I call his behaviour now, I could still say terrible twos and hope they dont question me. Answers on a post card or even in the comments box below please lol.

Much Love xxxx


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