The Dentist!!

27 Aug

I’ve had a pretty uneventful week, hence the lack of blog, this partly due to the fact I am too scared to take Ryan out he is behaving like a rabid dog at the moment….however, we did have a trip to the dentist….

I decided to be the good housewife and Mum and register all of us into the local dentist surgery, I was feeling all good and glowy and told Lush who promptly told me that he wouldnt be stepping anywhere near the dentist- something which I know is untrue because he likes to drive the car and kind of doesn’t trust me at the moment as I hit it twice last week :/, I then told my huffy puffy eldest who pretty much agreed with Lush, not a good start.  The day eventually arrives and my eldest manages to dodge going to the dentist as he is visiting his mega cool or ‘awesome’  Uncle.  We arrive in the surgery which is in this nice new building and you need a sat nav just to find the room.  Ryan instantly sees this as a cue to mis-behave, I am trying to fill out the millions of forms for all of us and also trying to tell the stuck up little madam behind the counter that not only had she misspelt the  names  but also got birthdates wrong.  I am doing my best to look like a Mum that has it all together and start grinning manically like Basil Fawlty while Ryan starts to destroy the very compact waiting room.  They first call Lush – who said he wasnt going to be there! into the room and I settle down with one of those fancy home magazines and pretend I’m reading it when really I am hiding behind it as I know that Ryan is being naughty.  Lexi is happily chewing a mangy looking book- all good for building up her immune system and Ryan decideds to take off down the very long corridor, I play the super nanny game and tell him to come back and offer him consequences and bribes all through gritted teeth, Lush’s appointment seems to go on forever and Ryan has now taken to opening some very unsafe looking windows- the word stressed doesnt even cover how I am feeling at this point.

They finally call Ryan in and I whisk him into the chair and tell him that he’s going on a ride and the mans going to count his teeth etc etc but Ryan is refusing point blank to even open his mouth, even the dentist resorts to bribing Ryan with some stickers, that’s not working and I am getting desperate and I stupidly tell Ryan if he’s a good boy he can have some sweeties!!! omg what an idiot, I hear lush snort in the waiting room and I am praying the dentists chair will suddenly malfunction and fold completely up with me in the middle, who offers a child sweeties in the dentists room?? its like when I produce a bottle of formula milk at the breast feeding group, its not the done thing.  Happily enough Ryan suddenly becomes willing and dutifully opens his mouth and the dentist dives in, I hold my breath because I know what’s coming, I don’t tell the dentist what’s coming because he is a total stuck up moron, who is rude and told me I needed to play with my children more… sorry I thought I was at a dentists not a parenting workshop,  Ryan decides he has had enough of the dentist and promptly clamps his mouth shut with the dentist’s  finger still in it!  Being the wicked witch that I am, I pull Ryan away from the dentists just so Ryan’s teeth dig in a bit more ha ha its called Karma dentist man!  While I am revelling in this, I forget that its my turn next and he could very easily exact revenge.  I manage to rescue the finger and try to look for signs of blood but fail.  Ryan is then escorted out rather briskly and I take my turn.  I am literally in the seat for 20 seconds- enough for him to count my teeth- full set and then I’m off.  The dentists doesn’t like us because we have a tax credits card and he cant make any money, so he tries to sell me and Lush and appointment to see a hygienist who quite frankly only does what the dentist should do in the first place.  I politely decline and tell him his pictures that he’s shown me of rancid looking mouths and teeth are very nice, just to get away- very nice?? what must that man think of me now?  Needless to say we shall not be returning to that dentists and we have probably been blacklisted by every dentist in Surrey.

Anyway must go as its Ryan’s Birthday today and I had this strangely bizarre thought and wish that now Ryan is 3 will his ‘terrible twos’ magically disappear and he will suddenly turn into an angel child that doesn’t scratch brand new t.v’s or break 5 playstation 3’s  4 months, or doesn’t leave the freezer open all day, or tip my lovely new soap or shampoo down the sink, oh must stop I am ranting- not a good look!

Much Love xx


One Response to “The Dentist!!”

  1. robyn August 31, 2011 at 9:41 pm #

    I so enjoyed reading this, you need to write a book!!!!!!!!!!! I would love to read it 🙂

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